Egocentrism
by mazeru
Summary: ONESHOT! It's White Day. Everyone's completely into it. But Juudai wants to spend it alone... well, more or less alone. If being one-to-one with yourself is considered being alone when you're two different persons. HaouJuudai Oneshot! Happy St. White!


Okinata: Okay, so, here you go my White Day fic. I know it's damn late but you can blame my parents for that. They didn't let me to computer, so I couldn't type it . And this will be actually pretty OOC, if you don't like the idea of the main character being somewhere between the first/second season and fourth season when it comes down to personality. Also, I don't really know the timeline here. Though there is implication in the story that it's during the third year… but everyone's back from the other dimension already, so I dunno. Anyway, enjoy.

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Egocentric

I feel like I'm going to freak out any moment. I look around and all I can see is white. White, white white white WHITE! Why's everything white today?

White ribbons. White chocolates. White sweets. Even people go dressed all in white!

Makes me feel like I was back to my second year here, with the whole Society of Light crap. But what is going on around me at the moment is pretty much worse, or so I feel about it…

This is the third time I live through it here. The previous two weren't all that bad… But I'm not stupid. I can see the nervous glances I receive form Manjoume and Johan. It's really starting to get on my nerves. And so I ended up being all fussy for the entire day and finally locked up in my dorm room.

I actually know perfectly what is going on. It's this annoying day of showing each other your love and whatsoever. Well, I gave chocolates to my friends on the Valentine's day so now it's their turn, but I can't help myself and feel annoyed. Ah, whatever, I'm tired.

I let my eyes fall shut and my mind drift away to the insides of my soul. I glance around and sigh with relief through my mental personification (…he taught me this word) when I confirm that Yubel isn't anywhere around. She's been getting all too clingy and as much as I hate to admit it, she began annoying me as well with her all-too-friendly attitude.

But Yubel isn't around now. I smile and call out, and admiration widen my eyes as he slowly emerges out of nowhere in front of me. I stare into his golden, blank eyes and smile even wider.

"Hiya!"

He just nods, eyeing me for a moment, his face indifferent. "What is going on out there?" He asks, gesturing his head upwards, but we both know that he means the outside world.

I smile and begin walking around, and I don't even know how or when instead of saying about the traditions of this day I begin just ranting at what annoys me the most about it all. I just keep walking, gesturing lively, and talking, and talking and talking, completely forgetting about everything else when suddenly a stripe of scarlet arrives in my view, making me freeze and shut up at last. I blink in surprise as the crimson ribbon is being tied gently around my neck.

I turn around, interrupting the process and come face to face with my own face. I grab the hands that are by my neck and stare at the strip of silk they hold. 

"What is this?"

"I saw some of the people outside do this…"

"Oh…" I feel my cheeks turn hot and decide to ignore his questioning look. "But… it should be white if this is what I think it is. And besides… I didn't give you anything for the Valentine's Day…" I look away, feeling guilty and stupid. I actually did want to spend some time with him back then too… but he wouldn't respond to my calls, so I just let him be. Now I feel like yelling at myself for not trying to get to him harder month ago.

He frowns slightly, trying to understand and I smile. He can sometimes look so adorable…

"Is it wring then?" He suddenly asks and was it just me or did he just sound a bit sad?

I blink at him and laugh. "Well, it is, in a way… but you didn't know the tradition anyway, and it's the intents that matter, so…" I put my arms on his shoulders. I feel somehow happy and I don't really care that he can sense it. "Red is prettier than white anyway." I flash him a grin and he pulls a bit away, finishing tying the ribbon with a slightest of nods.

But he doesn't move when he's done and I think I'm blushing when I look up at him and get caught in his golden gaze. I can feel myself hold in my breath. Is it just my imagination or is he slowly getting closer…?

I shut my eyes automatically and lea forward, almost feeling his breath, even though I do realize that it is just my mind's projection, and I wait for what is coming to finally come-

"Oh! Juudai!"

My eyes snap open and I jump back from him, feeling all hot as I look towards Yubel who just now started coming towards us.

I begin a casual talk, as if nothing ever happened. But with the corner of my eye I can see him turn away and I think he seems not so straight and mighty as he usually is for a moment. I quickly make up some excuse and return to my body.

My eyes open slowly. My breath is still a bit faster than usual and I can still feel the warmth on my face.

I smile, though I feel a little bit sad, and reach my hand up to my neck to confirm that what just happened wasn't real. My eyes widen as I can feel smooth silk under my fingertips.

At that moment I hear loud knocking on the door and almost jump in the bed.

"Oi! Aniki! Are you there?"

I breath out slowly in relief. It's just Shou, thanks God. I already gave him white chocolate today, but I know his real crush is Kenzan, so I don't have to fear being stalked by him.

I walk over to the door with a smile, unlock them and open. And my body freezes. There really is Shou, though seeming a bit uncomfortable. And no wonder – with Manjoume and Johan standing beside him.

"A-ah… hi, guys!" I let them in, trying not to look displeased with their presence and putting on my best grin. They return the greetings.

"Yo!" Johan's his confident, cheerful self.

"Hi, dropout, mind if we come in?" Manjoume seems arrogant and cool as always.

"W-we were worried, Aniki. We couldn't find you anywhere since lunch…" Shou stammered, caring as usual.

"Ah, I just wanted to take a small nap." I answer dismissively, laughing. I half-consciously raise my hand to the scarlet ribbon before I even get to think about it. Yep, when it comes to thinking, I can be as slow as I used to be, even if some things changed about my person.

"Oh, what's that?" Shou jumps closer with interest. "R-ribbon?! Aniki, why are you wearing a ribbon?" His big grey eyes widen

"It's.. um… a present from a friend… yeah." I mutter, trying my best not to blush. I'm not too sure if I succeeded, though.

Manjoume snorts. "It's not white." He points out. As if I didn't know.

"Well, I prefer it this way." I say defensively , crossing my arms and pouting.

Johan just chuckles.

Shou smiles mischievously. "Someone you like?" He asks, nudging my ribs with his elbow.

The other two tense for just a brief moment before snapping.

Manjoume jumps towards me, grabbing me by my shoulders. "What? Who is it? You've been seeing someone?" He's obviously angry, he always tries to hide the fact that he likes me, so he must have really lost it if he says this in a jealous tone like that…

Johan sighs and smiles at me sadly. "Juudai…" He looks heartbroken, but I know he will still support me as my best friend, even if I don't return his feelings towards me.

I consider for a moment before I answer. "Yeah… I think I found someone I like… Sorry guys." I look at them, really meaning it. "Could you… go now? I don't feel too well." I lie, trying to look sick.

Shou's eyes linger on me for a long moment. Finally he turns around and pushes Johan and Manjoume out of the room. "We'll see you later then!" He calls out over his arm before closing the door. I think he saw through me, but I'm really grateful that he helped me.

I sigh and quickly lock the door, then drop down on the bed, snuggling into covers.

My thought run wild. I grit my teeth. Great. Now I'm starting to think about stuff like that, this is just great. I clutch tighter at the covers. What I said earlier… did I really mean it?

Many people consider me an egoist. An egocentric even. And the arguments they make up to support this 'theory' are sometimes really hilarious. But this one time… I thinks they're right in a way. Not exactly. But in a way.

I just think that I managed to raise egocentrism to an entirely new level. [1

I mean… is it really okay (I won't ask if it's normal, I'm intelligent just enough t know that it isn't) to get all blushy around yourself? I mean… okay, maybe it's not exactly around myself… but it is me, too. In a way. But what actually makes me feel like that is the fact that we are different. Although thanks to him I started noticing that my looks are really pretty good… but then again. I like it only because he makes it all look different. It's theoretically the same body.. but his eyes, his composure, his… his everything! Not to mention, that despite being so cool and stoic and even cruel at times, he still makes me sometimes just come up to him and give him a hug, especially when he gets all gloomy or disoriented.

….now I'm really happy that he can't order people around. I bet I would have got my head cut for just saying such things about him. After all, he's the Supreme King. It's not right to think about him in such a way, right? Right. But it just won't change the fact that I still think about him this way. And I don't really think he knows about it… nor that he actually cares. 

Although today makes me just WONDER… why did he actually give me this ribbon? I mean… it could be just because he didn't know the tradition of the White Day, but… why give me anything at all? And he must have noticed that people when giving ribbons to each other were usually of opposite sexes, and usually got all blushing about it, and started hugging and kissing and whispering sweet words and all that… Could it be possible that he knew exactly what he was doing?

I shake my head. It started to hurt. I guess I just need some sleep. I really should stop thinking about things like that. It's too confusing…

…………………………………………………….

Dark and warm. I moan a little bit, waking up, and my eyes slowly open, just to widen suddenly when all I can see is my face, only with golden eyes instead of brown ones. I feel hot as a warm, soft touch meets my lips. It feels to real to actually BE real… or is it?

I close my eyes and sigh. Lips meet again. I don't want this night to end, I don't want anything to disturb this moment, for I know once broken, it will go away and never come back. It's all dark around us, so it means it's night already. That would mean that people rather won't come to my room in a couple of hours.

I just melt in the warmth, not sure if it's a dream, an illusion, just a plain fantasy… or a reality. But I don't care. We're here. Alone. Touching each other finally.

I feel a single tear roll down my cheek and open my eyes. It's morning already. I can still feel his lips on my own and smile a broken smile.

"Happy White Day… Haou."

Something stirs in my soul in response.

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[1 He apparently didn't know about what Yugi was going through with his Yami self o,-

Okinata: Well, yeah. That's it. Hope you likes it as much as I liked writing it. Though it still seems a bit under-worked to me… and drabblish. But yeah. I like the way I'm writing fics recently lol. Now, if you excuse me, I'll try to force myself into writing the sixth chapter for Hush…


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